10 Books I Never Want To Read

Remember Reading Rainbow? Now those were some good books.

Tonight I was trying to make a list of what books I would like to read this year. I got online and began browsing. But, because I am deliriously tired, I ended up making a list of books I don’t want to read. Since I am obviously putting off going to bed , I have decided to share that list with you good people. Here it is:
  1. Chicken Soup For The Soul– teenage soul, mother’s soul, archiologist’s soul. I don’t want to read about any soup for any soul. Honestly, I don’t want to read about soup at all. Why did these become so popular?
  2. Twilight Books– I have no desire to read any of them. It isn’t because I think they are completely evil (I can’t make that call since I’ve never read one). It is because they are about vampires & werewolves. And that just sounds really stupid.
  3. The Jungle– This is actually a classic & probably a fantastic book. But I have a feeling that if I were to read it, I would be incapable of ever having a hot dog again. And I really like hot dogs.
  4. The Great Gatsby– I have tried to read this on several occassions & never could get into it. The book was out of print for nearly 30 years & I think I know why. It is like a soap opera in book form.
  5. Eat, Pray, Love – This is shallow I admit, but I can’t stand the cover of this book. Something about it is very unappealing. Reading it would involve me seeing the cover frequently, so its out. Might be a fantastic book, but I will never know. 
  6. Moby Dick – Here is a book about a group of sailors trying to kill a whale. By the end of the book almost everyone is dead. So, why would I read that? It may be an American classic, but I’m not reading it. Sorry literature professors. 
  7. Any book written by Stephen King. – I’m not a fan of getting scared. No clue why people would read something that gives them nightmares. Life is to short for that to be entertainment in my opinion.
  8. Cooking With Pooh– Yes, I know this is a children’s cooking book featuring Winnie the Pooh. But the title is Cooking With Pooh. How did an editor not catch that?
  9. Do-It-Yourself Coffins For Pets & People- I just came across this tonight on Amazon. I’m all for doing it yourself, but that is perhaps a bit too handy for me.
  10. Windows 7 For Dummies – This is on my don’t read list for two reasons. First, no book can help me understand anything technical – I am beyond ‘dummy’ status. Second, I hope I don’t have to use Windows ever again. Safari, please.
Okay, that is my list of books I don’t want to read. What is yours?
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8 Comments

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8 responses to “10 Books I Never Want To Read

  1. I read your blog frequently, I must confess. Your quips about it on Facebook always reel me in! You're a talented and funny writer. 🙂

  2. Thanks Elise! I think I enjoy coming up with the titles the most. Glad you are a reader.

  3. I laughed reallllly hard reading this… maybe I laughed too hard because I should be in bed sleeping.. but nonetheless, I found it funny.

  4. I should be sleeping too. Why do we put it off???

  5. Twilight hmm.. so that's why y'all left Washington? Irina..err..I mean Elizabeth.

  6. For the record, The jungle helped get lots of meat regulation laws in place. I readExcerpts to my students, definitely don't think it'd be a read for me.

  7. You are right Michelle. And I think it helped improve standard working conditions for people too.

  8. I second Twilight. I don't know if it's evil, but I forced my way through the first chapter of the first one and it read like something I wrote in the seventh grade. Really, really sub-par prose.

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