Except, I can’t. I can’t speak Spanish.
I don’t know. Maybe its a part of my charm. Or just plain weird. Either way I have no idea why I am about to tell you this… Here is an admonition of ten things I Don’t Want You To Know About Me.
1. Sometimes I check twitter during my time with Jesus. Not for long. Just a peak.
2. It took me TWO years to learn how to make a baked potato. I know, right? But it did. Foil or no foil? Poke holes? Temp & time? Just so you know: 2 hours @ 350. No foil & no holes.
3. When I was in high school my youth group went to six flags. A few of us did a Chinese fire drill in the middle of the antique car track. ( To my defense, they moved so slow. No one was going to get hurt) Because of this we were kicked out of the park. As they were escorting us out of the park, we made a mad dash. They couldn’t catch us. In the process I got a nasty cut on my knee. In fact there is still a scar. We hid out until it was time to meet the group and go home. I’m pretty sure I never told Carl & Blair about that.
4. I have really scrawny ankles. For this reason, I look stupid in capri pants…well that reason & several others.
5. I made it all the way through college without ever having to take a math class. I found a loop hole in the system. Ask me about the United Nations, but DO NOT ask me about calculus. Or pre-algebra for that matter.
6. When I was younger I was convinced that the man from the electric company who took the meter readings house to house was a terrorist. He was planting something in the boxes attached to everyones house. So, I went door to door behind him and warned all the people that the man had just placed something (most likely an explosive) in their meter. The neighborhood never did blow up. Most likely thanks to my heroic measures. I was Woodway’s version of Paul Revere.
7. I once started a massive food fight at my table in the elementary cafeteria. The principal thought it was my friend Shanna & didn’t believe Shanna that I was the one who started it. So Shanna and my other friends were sent to the Principal’s office. Since I was so sweet & well behaved the principal bought me an ice cream cone. No lie. Apparently I look really innocent.
8. In computer class my junior year of high school I sat in between two friends. Our teacher wasn’t the sharpest lady I had ever met. Over several weeks we unscrewed the walls of my computer cube. When the final screw was removed, our friend Ginny faked a seizure. (She actually did have epilepsy so it was pretty realistic) While the teacher was attending to Ginny convulsing on the floor, my friend and I snuck the ENTIRE computer cube out into the hall and into the janitor closet. When the commotion ended I asked, “Ms. Lacy! Where is my workstation?” No one found it for days.
9. I was a tour guide at the Dr. Pepper Museum. I would lead tours of up to 50 people and would make up a bunch of stuff. One time a group of Germans came in. For some reason the museum manager was under the impression that I spoke German. Yeah, I don’t really. But, they came because they were told they could get a German tour. I had taken a year of high school German. So, I did my best. “Heidi’s blouse is blue. The weather in Dusseldorf is quite windy…” If a video of it ever surfaces on YouTube, I might pass out.
10. Looking at #3 #7 #8 and #9, I clearly had a problem with lying.