Whirlwind, grumpy, pouty and sensitive. That pretty much describes me driving home today. Just a bit off in every sense. To be honest, my heart is a bit tired. My brain hurts. I was listening to a podcast as I was in the car and the man said something brilliant: Never Develop A Wounded Spirit.
Ouch, sting and weep all at the same time. Dear God, I thought. I don’t want a wounded spirit, but I think I may have one! My poor little spirit. She has been through a lot. This past year has been one of magnificent highs and crushing lows. Three states, four houses, and too many adjustments to count. An unbelievably full 12 months.
While the presence of God has been with us, and the journey full of His goodness – there were moments that hurt. And those moments stuck to other moments that had hurt in the past. Similar types of hurts. Being misunderstood, not feeling needed and grieving the loss of something dearly loved. The pain of realizing that life will never be the same again. The pain of doubting that God knows , really knows, what He is doing.
Those sorts of pains stick to each other. Each new experience is absorbed into the previous one making the scar more and more prominent. It adds up. Little offensive are swallowed into other little offenses resulting in one big offense. The pain grows.
Grief is appropriate. Grief can take time. Grief is healthy. A wounded spirit, however, is not. A wounded spirit sits around waiting for something else to affirm it’s place of pain. It limps along with a bitter hobble reflecting on the situation that gave us the limp in the first place. A wounded spirit holds on to pain because it wants vindication somehow. A wounded spirit is never peaceful and it is grieved when someone else is satisfied. Most of all, the wounded spirit always has something to prove.
Our wounded spirits want to make others look bad too. Nothing overtly painful, just put a bit of a crack in their foundation. Our wounded spirits want to bring others down instead of rising up ourselves. Instead of fighting to get healthy, we are happy when others get sick too. If they have a cold, then maybe no one will notice my pneumonia. It is a twisted way of thinking.
Thankfully God can heal our spirits in a moment. Make them light, beautiful and strong again. He is our Redeemer after all. Maybe some of you (like me) need a bit of redeeming today. Determine never to develop a wounded spirit or mindset. Throw off the broken-down version of yourself & cling to promise of God for your life. He is enough for you & can handle all your pain.