This is the kind of beach you have a bonfire dinner on if you are on the Bachelor. Minus the old guy in the speedo.
When I was in college, my roommates loved to watch The Bachelor. Sadly, I must admit I ended up watching it with them by default sometimes. It still seems that I can’t escape it thanks to Facebook, twitter & all things Internet. All sarcasm aside, I will admit there were some great lessons on love we can learn from this high quality show.
1. Grown women wear prom dresses. It appears that the average grown woman has multiple prom/pageant dresses. I had no idea. All this time, I was buying wardrobe staples like Real Simple told me to. I guess I was led astray.
2. You must have perfect teeth. Any stains or blemishes are unacceptable. Good orthodontics in high school are required if you want to find love on national TV.
3. Don’t be ethnic. Is it just me, or are all the contestants white? Or at least mostly white. How do minorities find love I wonder? Surely they don’t have to actually build normal relationships & go on dates to places like Starbucks?!? So unfair.
4. Avoid any advice from anyone who has a successful marriage. The host of the show has been married to the same woman since 1993. Thankfully, no one asks him for advice on romance and commitment. They use the more reliable method of drinking lots of alcohol and just “following their heart”.
5. Wear LOTS of lip gloss. This is a dating MUST. I don’t care if you are going scuba diving in Tahiti or having dinner in Paris. A critical key to finding love is looking like you just ate fried chicken.
6. America has nothing to do on Monday nights. The fact that millions of people are spending a chunk of their time watching people compete for love tells me that Monday night needs some new activities.
7. Men Like Helicopter Rides. I have never in my life heard a girl say, “Oh, I WISH he would take me on a romantic helicopter ride.” And yet, the men seem to always plan dates on them. Maybe because you can’t really talk against the noise of the chopper…I don’t know…
8. Only Date On Vacation. If the show teaches us anything it is that dating can only truly be achieved by doing nothing but dating. You can’t work, or talk to your family. Or go anywhere really. You must devote yourself entirely to falling in love.
9. Each day you should make ‘the most important decision of your life’. You can’t miss this step. If you don’t make “the most important decision of your life” every day, then you are probably really out of touch with your feelings. To tell him about your ex-fiance, your parents divorce, that you never graduated from college…these should ALL be the biggest decisions you have ever made. These “most important decisions of your life” should always be made while talking to a camera crew and drinking a cocktail.
10. There Is An Entire Generation Who Know Nothing About Love. The contestants and the viewers represent a generation that craves love, but doesn’t know how to get it. Our understanding of sacrifice and commitment are lacking when it comes to relationships. In the end the contestants and viewers who mimicked them are left with broken hearts.
I have a suggestion. Instead of watching a failed model of falling in love, lets spend those few hours a week working on our relationships. We should choose to BE in love with our spouse. We should become better people for the ones we love. Serving our friends instead of competing and comparing ourselves against them. I know it isn’t reality TV material, but I think we might have a better shot at the happy ending.