Babysitting For A Murderer

stickers at a Seattle bus stop
It was 2005 and our apartment was on top of a Safeway & a Starbucks. I got in the elevator, went down one floor and the smell of brewing coffee met me. Have I mentioned how much I love Seattle?

I spent lots of time in that Starbucks and became friends with a barista named Autumn. She had dyed black hair, plugs in her ears, piercings in her face and tattoos on most of her skin. We hit it off from the beginning. I would invite her to church up in my living room on Sundays and she would return the warm gesture by inviting me to her burlesque parties. Neither of us ever took the other up on the invites.

Slowly my friendship with Autumn began to grow. We couldn’t be more different and yet oddly we found the other refreshing. After about a month she was my closest Seattle friend. I would meet her when she got off work and join her for the bus ride home. She went home and I went to the college campus to meet students.

We would talk about God and she would ask me questions I didn’t have answers to.  This sentence left my mouth more times than I can count : “I can’t answer that. You just have to meet Him for yourself.” .

Autumn had a one year old little girl named Opal & a boyfriend named Merlin. Like the wizard. He changed his name to Merlin because he hated God and felt that naming himself after a wizard would reinforce that point. Meeting Merlin was nothing compared to what came next.

The big news came in a parking garage when I was about to give her a ride home. Autumn was talking about slam poetry and mentioned that she started performing in prison.

Uh…prison? That’s when it came out. She was a murderer. Mind you we are alone in a dark parking garage when I make this discovery. Freaking out inside, faking a causal smile on the outside. The crime wasn’t intentional, but it happened all the same.

Two weeks later I found myself driving to Autumn’s house at 6:30 in the morning. Opal needed a babysitter while Autumn went and got her drug treatment at a nearby rehab clinic. I sat with a sleepy Opal for an hour in Autumn’s room. Very much a reflection of Autumn’s life, her room was a wreck. It was decorated with black ravens and pornographic pictures of herself. It was the darkest place.

I would sit and rock little Opal while singing worship songs to try and keep my sanity. I would bring my Bible and read scripture , and pray over Opal’s life. Autumn would come back and we would walk Opal to her daycare. Then we would drive back to my apartment. She would start her shift at Starbucks and I would go home and make breakfast.

I did that for about two weeks until Autumn was able to get Opal into daycare earlier. You may read this and think me some sort of Christian hero, but I am not. If I had visited her house before offering to babysit, I would never have volunteered.

I learned a few things during my time with Autumn & Opal.

First, I learned that in really dark places God’s presence glows the brightest. Autumn’s creepy bedroom changed completely when I worshiped and prayed with little Opal. The ravens were overshadowed by the goodness and lightness of God. All else melted away. It didn’t matter how dark and oppressive the environment was, it mattered that I met God there.

Second, I realized that the Church isn’t going to change the world by promoting a certain agenda. It is going to change the world by sitting in creepy living rooms. Holding babies that aren’t ours. Listening to stories that make us uncomfortable. The Church is going to change the world by loving and serving the broken & knowing that without the grace of God their mistakes could have been our mistakes.

Third I realized that the goal of loving people isn’t for a happy ending. This story didn’t have a happy ending at all. They disappeared without telling me where they moved. No one gave their life to Jesus or came to church. I told Autumn once that even though she doesn’t want Jesus now, some day she might. And if she ever does, she can call upon Him and He will come without delay. I’m hoping she remembers that & in heaven I can find out it was a happy ending after all. We don’t love so that we have great stories of happy endings. We love people because God loves them, and that is reason enough.



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21 responses to “Babysitting For A Murderer

  1. amazing story, Liz! thanks for telling it. you showed love at its finest!

  2. Loved this story–so powerful. I stumbled onto your blog from somewhere and went to midway high school with you, but I was a year older (I think?). Anyway, I was so touched by this story and your willingness to go to the dark places to pray and sing over Autumn's baby. Praise God. Keep writing, Liz!

  3. Hi! Yes, I recognize your picture and I think you were a year ahead of me. Thanks for the sweet words.

  4. Alina, thanks. But you give your life on behalf of others every day so hats off to you lady!

  5. I LOVE this story! And I am planning to scour heaven one day for Autumn 🙂 God is faithful! And so were you. Thanks for sharing!

  6. Wow, what a powerful post. I love this: "Second, I realized that the Church isn't going to change the world by promoting a certain agenda. It is going to change the world by sitting in creepy living rooms." The other thing I loved was when you didn't know the answer to her question and you told her she would have to meet Him for herself. I am stealing that!

  7. The next to the last paragraph hit me right between the eyes! I pray we see Autumn, Opal and Merlin, all three, in Heaven. Powerful, powerful post!Lolly

  8. Excellent post.The Lord's light always shines the brightest in the darkest places.

  9. "In very dark places God's presence glows the brightest." I'm so thankful for that statement. I think most of us want the happy ending. Your words are so true–"We love people because God does."

  10. Ha! I rarely know the answer to people's questions, so that is my usual reply. Steal away!

  11. Alicia, I pray you find her! 🙂

  12. I always want the happy ending, and keep having to remind myself that isn't the reason I love people. Thanks for reading Pamela!

  13. I don't think I'll ever be able to convey how this post touched my heart. God speaks to me through recurring themes in my life and loving people with creepy living rooms has really been on my heart lately 🙂 Thanks for sharing! —Tamara

  14. Wow Liz, this is beautiful. And yet, I often don't want to enter into places like this because I'm afraid of how they will change me – and don't think about how God wants to bring light into these dark places. Seattle misses you! (And so do I.) – Julia

  15. Oh Liz… I have no words except amen, amen amen… 3 tough, but important, lessons learned from this beautiful friendship- thanks for sharing!

  16. I echo Denise, amen, amen, amen!

  17. Julia, I miss you ALL so very much!

  18. Denise, thanks so much for the encouragement! I still can't believed we didn't know about each other when we lived in the same city!

  19. Tamara, thanks for reading and I am glad you liked it!

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