To say that today is a ‘small’ day would be an understatement. It hasn’t been a small day. It hasn’t been a small month even. It has been a small year.
2012…the year everything shrunk.
From the outside looking in, I’m sure it doesn’t appear this way. But in the inner cavities of my little heart the smallness crowds me.
This has been a year where things for those around me seem to have blown up. Their friendships, their finances, their careers, their families, their influence and skills… surged in 2012.
I’ve worked hard, prayed, and done my best. Being overlooked is painful, but I would have preferred it this year. Instead I was seen. Very seen. Weakness and awkward attempts were hidden from no one. I am blessed to be surrounded by support and encouragement, but I just didn’t have moves like Jagger in 2012.
So, reviewing my year I am struggling to get over my sense of smallness. It is a totally self-inflicted viewpoint, I know. I wish I could say that this past year I dealt with this emotion well.
Oh, to say that I prayed and fasted and memorized scripture and served my peers to help them succeed even more.
But I didn’t. Heck no, I didn’t. I pushed as hard as I could. I wrestled with envy and let it win most of the time. I minimized the fruit of people around me. I plotted how to gain more success. I smiled when I didn’t mean it. Maybe even to you.
Embarrassing, right? I know you did stupid things this year too, so I don’t feel totally exposed here.
It seems like most people I have talked to lately are struggling with the same thing. So, what should we do when we feel small?
- Confess. No, you don’t have to post it on the internet like me. You should tell someone though. Amazing what bringing people in does.
- Grow. This sounds like the obvious solution, no? Well, I am planning on growing this next year. Not trying to get bigger than my friends, just grow. I want to do a better job this year than last. Period. And the outcome of how large my growth is will be up to God. I’m at peace with that…I think.
- Realize that bigger isn’t always better. Big towns are better than small towns. Big blogs are better than small blogs. Big churches are better than little churches…or so I tend to think. But, it’s just not true. Bigger isn’t better. There is a purpose in smallness and mid-size. We need to recognize that more.
- Keep dreaming. What happened in our lives last year doesn’t have to dictate what will happen this year. God loves a good surprise. Plus, God doesn’t use cumulative GPAs to rank us. Each day is new.
So, that is my humiliating confession that I will most likely regret posting just a few hours from now. Hope it helps those of you who feel like 2012 shrunk you too.