Lovers Gonna Love

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I stood at my sink this morning with a twisted feeling in my stomach. The person I really am and the person I aspire to be were duking it out internally. Dishes were piled in the sink and I was scrubbing away trying to distract myself from the news I just heard – something awesome happened to someone I don’t like.

Not so long ago there was this person who hurt me. She wasn’t being malicious – our chemistry together simply had toxic tendencies.  Our goals were different, our personalities were different and truth be told, we were each a bit too stubborn for our own good.

Late night coffee chats and brainstorming conversations led me to believe that we were one and the same when we first became friends. However, when ideas began to be fleshed out it became evident that the differences between us were far greater than we knew. In fact, in some ways our opinions were in direct opposition.

There was never a fork-in-the-road moment where I can pinpoint when we each went our own way. The space grew gradually and without a fight. Sometimes things just don’t work out. I’d like to puff out my chest and say that I let it go and moved on. In some ways I did but in others my tender heart held on to the hurt. It was the subtle things, replaying conversations and remembering the stinging words.

I didn’t really think about her often. Until this morning.

Grabbing another pan, I kept washing the dishes as I thought about her good fortune. I scraped away thinking about how unfair it is. How I wish people knew the things I knew about her and saw the things I saw in her. I wish they all took my side.

In my mind, we were on different sides. Deep down, I didn’t want her to succeed because I wanted to win. Win at life, win at career, win at my friendships, win at influence…at anything really. I wanted her to regret the things she said and wallow in her wrongness.

‘Cause as much as I don’t like to admit it, I can be a hater sometimes.

And so I wrestled with myself. I wanted to feel this way – deserved to feel this way even. Each emotion could be supported by an experience and I felt justified. Still, deeper within, I was disgusted with myself. Disappointed that I could so quickly turn around and throw stones. Embarrassed at the envy that lived in my heart.

Standing there, this phrase passed through my mind:

Haters gonna hate, but lovers gonna love.

Chewing on this phrase for a few minutes I conceded to the the deeper truth. I decided I wanted to be a lover. A lover of people – despite ways they support or oppose me. I want to speak a blessing and not a curse. I want to believe the best, defend another, and create space for people to thrive.

Putting the dish towel down, I prayed a blessing over her out loud so I could hear myself saying the words. The prayer made me cringe because it killed my sense of entitlement. Praying that she would succeed stifled my competition with her. I was forced to confront my pride.

Afterwards I realized how small I had been thinking.

Love isn’t going to run out. Blessings aren’t measured and then cut off. Her victory is not the same as my defeat. I can rejoice with her and not worry that she took the quota of favor allotted for the month.

I believe that God is love and I believe that God is eternal. Therefore love will never run out. There is no shortage of blessing in this world. There is no measurement of God. He is abundant. Love is abundant.

Let go of the negativity towards people and extend love. We are made to be an advantage, not a threat. Be a lover not a hater. And happiest of Valentines to you all.

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23 Comments

Filed under Faith, Fire, something bigger, Uncategorized

23 responses to “Lovers Gonna Love

  1. Thanks so much for sharing this, Elizabeth. It’s a great word for us all.

  2. Love how you opened your mind to us all and allowed us to see your thought process, and the end result is awesome. Love the message!

  3. I went through this for years and by the grace of God, I let go and loved and reached a great place, then bam! One of the things I want most in life happened to that person. Thank you for your words because they help so much. I love how you point out that God’s love, favor, and blessing have no quota. Just because good things are happening to someone else, doesn’t mean good things ran out for us. God has a plan for our lives just as full and amazing.

  4. Absolutely this!!! What a great way to embody love….maybe even better than our ideas….(http://sophiaspockets.wordpress.com/2014/02/13/5-ways-to-give-more-love-this-valentines-day/), Thank you so much for sharing!

  5. Lolly

    Thwap! That’s something most of us deal with at one time or the other. (often multiple times). I don’t know how many times I’ve dealt with resentment & a sense of entitlement. Thanks for reminding us to bring our focus back where it should be.

  6. Thank you for admitting to this struggle–I, too, have struggled many times with bitterness and envy towards those who have hurt me. Sometimes they haven’t even hurt me specifically; our personalities just didn’t mesh well and that left me feeling inadequate or insecure. I’m trying to grow in forgiveness and love for others as well. Prayer is always key in overcoming the toxic emotions we hold so dear.

    • I have yet to meet someone who doesn’t struggle with this. Sometimes I think that personalities not meshing well is worse because there isn’t anything specific to blame. Glad you liked the post and hopefully we will both grow in letting envy go.

  7. Love this! It is so hard to really cheer others on, when we feel like it makes us smaller. But, God is teaching me, that it isn’t about me winning, or looking awesome. He can use whatever, and whoever, he wants to make his name great, so I need to rejoice over that. Easy to type out, harder to live out!

  8. Reblogged this on Jeff & Therese's Page and commented:
    Really nice. We have all emotions within us. Choose which ones you want to develop.

  9. Pingback: Some photos form our week, and some links to good reads on the internet |

  10. Reblogged this on Midlands House of Healing and commented:
    Lovers and haters } WE all have our moments and I love how diplomatically she says this…. x x x x x x

  11. Thank you for sharing this! One of my favorite quotes is “Blowing out another’s candle will not make yours shine brighter.” And, while I know it’s never an intention to feel angry about someone else’s successes (especially when it feels like people supporting them are cheering for their team rather than yours), you’re totally right – love isn’t going to run out!

  12. Hello, I’m a stranger 🙂 I randomly stumbled upon your blog through a friend and this post has completely met me where I’m at, so I just wanted to say thank you! I think as girls especially, it is very easy to get wrapped up in competition with one another. It is always such a gracious and humbling reminder that God is so infinite and can bless one of us and not run out of blessings for the other. That’s especially hard to remember when it’s someone we don’t want to see succeed for selfish reasons in our messed up flesh. Thankful for your words!

  13. Naomi Phillips

    This is beautiful and thought-provoking. And awfully relatable! Thank you for the insight and wisdom. Will be keeping these words in mind.

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